Are you the next Phoenix Rising from the Ashes?

{ From Me to You }

I spoke in my email yesterday about today being a “markedly meaningful day” for me, and that I have something important to share with you that I believe can change and save lives.

It’s a deep dive, but the inner workings of grief and loss always are. On the flip side of them, deeper love, compassion and wisdom can flourish. I aim to walk you through this duality today through 3 emails, and show you what can come of it, if you allow.

{ The Background }

Last year, in July-August, I was in the midst of leaving a toxic relationship that (temporarily) destroyed my confidence, self-esteem, and ability to see things for what they were, salvaging myself and my wounds to tend not only to a very broken heart, but a very broken spirit…  

I was afraid to talk to too many people about this because…

1) I was severely isolated, and there weren’t too many people to talk to that wouldunderstand the complex relationship dynamic that goes on between a narcissist and an empath.

2) My mentality was to just plough through it because..”Tough it Up Buttercup, you’re a Fucking Coach, so Deal with it and Muster up the Strength.” (except I forgot the little part about being human too… )

3)  I had so much guilt and shame around the fact I considered myself to be a highly sensitive, intuitive person, and was so blinded at the time, that I couldn’t see it coming. My coach did, but I didn’t listen to her.

4) I refused to accept responsibility for allowing this to happen to me. Later, (although she couldn’t prevent me from the necessary destruction) my coach stood by me and walked me through the entire 6-8 month long healing + releasing process of all my negative feelings, anger and resentment that I held both towards my ex, and towards myself, for having had this “Blind spot” and putting myself through such a traumatic experience.

(Little did I know that this experience would serve me tremendously down the line, and a short year later I’ve not only healed myself, but walked countless of my clients through letting go of toxic and abusive partners. But I’m getting ahead of myself here…)

I SINCERELY thought at that point of my life, that it was my rock bottom. 

Except September came, and just shortly after expending the last bit of strength and energy I had to pick up and leave, and make the move happen… one of my cats, my beloved Oreo, died unexpectedly.

From that moment on, Sept through Nov were a blur. More loss, more pain, more suffering, more grief… and now the addition of contemplating life’s fragility, life’s point, and how quickly it can be taken away from us, at any given point in time.. Because to be brutally honest, life doesn’t owe us shit.

We’d like to think it does, but we never really know how long we’re here for, and we’re one of the lucky ones if we know WHY, and then follow that purpose.

When I finally mustered up the courage and strength to write about Oreo’s death to you at the time (via these newsletters), I began to see all the threads connecting.

(can you see the “Oreo cookie” on her thigh?)

{ Hidden Gems ~ Round 1 }

In yesterday’s newsie I wrote that we’re beginning to wake up and understand that confusion, pain, suffering and fear aren’t the “default” way of living life. That it IS possible to live FULLER, more MEANINGFUL lives, and bring our dreams into existence.

But it’s ONLY WHEN the pain of holding on to these patterns is greater than the pain of letting go… that CHANGE can come in.

For me that change came when I stopped running away from the pain and suffering, and embraced it. I let go of resisting. I let go of struggle. I let go of sacrificing myself for others. I simply surrendered…to myself.

Losing Oreo FORCED me to *only* look at myself, because in the state that I was in, I had no energy, motivation or desire to do anything else. For those 2 months after her passing, all I was aware of was the rhythm of my breath, the beating of my heart, the intense questioning of my existence, and why it’s been so entrenched in suffering lately.

Here’s the answer:

Oreo taught me that there is something very sacred, and divine, in experiencing suffering. It’s not there to punish us, or for us to be stuck in it (although many of us stop here, and become victims our whole lives because we have no one to guide us out of it).

When we go through suffering, it can come from a place of Love. We go through suffering only so we could rise back up. We live in a world of Duality, so we could appreciate one aspect and its opposite. Light and Dark. Up and Down. Yin and Yang. Pain and Love.

There is something about being willing to go through the darkness, in order to re-experience glory. It’s a rising angel process, a proverbial phoenix rising from the ashes, better, stronger, transformed in the process.

Sometimes we need to descend into darkness, to appreciate light. We need to lose our freedom, in order to appreciate its regain. We need to experience difficulties, in order to bring out our strength.

But we needn’t make this our CONSTANT, and that’s where most people get tripped up. 

In my second newsie today, I’ll be walking you through how to break out of this cycle. LIVE!

To your glorious rise,

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